There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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