well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
