So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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