i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
