SEEEEXXX PLEASE
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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