there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
