Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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