I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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