she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
