Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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