i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Randomize
