you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
We are two peas in an std pod
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
