If that was your dad, he is hot
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
