had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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