She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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