NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
