you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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