I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
