I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
