I think my vagina is haunted
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
