Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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