He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
