his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Hippo gnu deer
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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