Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
