i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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