She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
