Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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