Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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