Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
