for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Randomize
