hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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