I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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