Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
