i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
