I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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