a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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