She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
