I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
