he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
if i died would you start the facebook group?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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