I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Randomize
