areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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