OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
