Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
