It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
