Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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