"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
