He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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