its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
