i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
