she smelled like a LAN party
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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