she was so not down for the gang bang
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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