I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
