Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
