I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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