Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
3pm strippers are depressing
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
