No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Randomize
